Quiet

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As I sit and soak up the sun…..it relaxes my sleep deprived empty soul.

Quiet….just quiet ..

The distant chatter of nurses catching  over coffee….of the struggle of really ill patients….there is serenity in quiet…refreshment in the sun…replenishment for the soul.

Why??

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Why do I want to be somewhere where no one needs you? – Go somewhere else!

Why would I want to sit in a corner and wait till people can  be bothered with me?  Get up and go!

Why do I let people treat me like this?  Because your soft!

Why do people think they are more important than me and I can just wait?  Because you let them!

Why do my feelings not matter to anyone?  Because you are the giver not the receiver !

Why is it easy to let me know what an awful friend I am ?   Because that makes them feel good!

Why would I let someone call me an emotional blackmailer and be ok with that?    Some people need someone else to blame for their real feelings.

Why can’t friends forgive each other?  Because they are too self centered – all about them.

Why can I apologise and I never hear sorry from anyone else, even when they have been just as damaging to me?   Because my feelings don’t matter.

Why do I want to be scrolling through crap that I don’t even want to read?    Have no idea !

Why do I even let stupid fuckers upset my life????   Because your soft !!

Why would I stay around and be treated like shit on your shoe???  That is just dumb, no one needs to do that !   Get up and move!

Why do you sit here and feel sorry for yourself when there are people in this world that do love you… go find them !

Continue… Continue to be who and how you are, to astonish a mean world with your acts of kindness.  Continue to allow humour to lighten the burden of your tender heart.  You are important, and what others think of you is not important.

 

 

Peace

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A few years ago a friend of mine was having a rough time, She was anorexic and had huge mental health issues.  This friend accused me of terrible things and wouldn’t speak to me again, none of which was true.  Two years later, I approached her and told her I missed her, this alone broke down the barrier, and we continued on as if nothing had ever happened.  No apology to me, like it never happened… that’s OK…. Some friends are worth so much more than stupid fights, stupid emotions, some love is much deeper than stuff.

I love too deep, I hurt too easily, I do dumb stupid things which I regret later, sometimes it’s too late.  But for my peace of heart, I need people to forgive me, as my stupid heart doesn’t mean to do any harm, it is just fragile and gets hurt easily and reacts badly.  I lie in bed going over and over scenarios in my head.  Peace at all cost, my heart motto.