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Today I had a lesson in knowing that the good you do is remembered.

I was sacked from a position I thought was good for, I knew I was doing a good job, I knew I treated my staff with respect and admiration.  I beat myself up because I knew I did nothing wrong to deserve the wrong done to me, but doubts filled my mind and made me believe that I am not the person  I have worked so hard to become.

I started at a place of new employment and struggled with the doubts that filled my mind, the ones that pull you down, and make you feel inadequate.  The lies you tell yourself, because .. well that’s what the world tells you.. you are not worthy of having good thrust upon you.

So I started at my new job,  my first few weeks were unsettling for me, because the loss of confidence makes you weak.   Each week, I have been encouraged by my new boss, she has come along side me and shown me again, that I am a good person, that I do have a heart for the job I am employed for, and slowly my confidence has increased.

Today, I visited my old workplace, I was greeted with such love, such admiration, such sadness for my loss.   It’s this stuff that builds your confidence, it’s this stuff that tells me, I am a good person, I do do a good job, I am good at what I do.  My confidence helps me to do a good job.

So when life sends you people that upset your confidence, remember there are more people that honour and respect you and their encouragement gives you strength.

 

 

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The mothers daughter

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I was bought up in a big family, and the person that held us all together, was my mum.  As a child, I had no idea what a strong amazing person she was.  She reminded me of the queen and I thought she was beautiful, I wanted to be just like my mum.  She worked hard, cooking cleaning, supporting other people, an amazing human being.  I never argued with my mum, I never treated her with disrespect, I helped as much as I could, I never expected anything from her.

When I left home when i was 18 years old,  I was so homesick, I would call her regularly and she would calm my fears.

When I married and had a daughter of my own, I really thought once she had kids of her own, she may of thought of me the same as I did of my mum,  I tried to mimic my mother, I wanted to help, I wanted to support, I wanted to love like she did, but alas, personalities play a major part in our lives and she feels that I interfere and control her life, which I find amazing as I never go to her place without an invitation, I never even see her for weeks on end, but I am a miracle person who interferes without even being there… I am freakin amazing all right.

I feel really sad, I am my mothers daughter and I like to care, but its ok to use as a glorified baby sitter,  its ok to use me as a bank, its ok to be here when they want me…. but I am an interfering controlling bitch….

My heart hurts, a mother is not meant to feel like this…. a mother is love.. that’s who she is, how can you be so hurtful?