You go along in life and have empathy and deepest sympathy for others that are struggling, thinking all the time you have some idea, but you just don’t, you really don’t. Until……….life has a way of showing you what its like to be so anxious, your heart is pounding out your chest, your heart is aching and your head is spinning. Your mind flashes back to that friend who told you… you thought you knew… you didn’t… you didn’t have any idea how awful it feels, how stupid you feel, how it takes so long to calm down, how no one understands. So yeah.. I had to have a taste of it to know what it really feels like… and all I can say is “Sorry I didn’t know !”
When the chips are down and you feel like you are at rock bottom, that’s when you find out who your true friends are. A friend of mine has had an operation and is out of action for a long time, they discussed with me how lonely it feels when you are unable to socialise or attend work. Depression sets in, you talk yourself into believing no one cares, people turn up and then you never see them again, who cares, who really cares, if I died today would they miss me. Its hard to focus on others when you have so many problems of your own. Then you are shocked into reality because you find someone that is worse off than you and you realise how silly you have been, but for that moment that real moment, you were low …really low.. and its hard to get out of that dark place, only your true friends can dig you out of that hole.
So life has been a little stressful lately, life has a funny way of going so fast you can’t catch up.
I feel my body moving but my legs don’t respond. My mind is rushing fast, my heart is pounding so loud I can see it coming out of my chest. My hands are shaky and my back hurts. Pain shoots up my back and into the base of my skull, my glands are swollen and my head hurts. But there is nothing wrong with me, I just care too much, work too hard and life is getting away from me.. way too fast. My Dr thinks I have a heart problem….yeah I do!!
Been a stressful 2x weeks, when you find yourself holding your chest because you feel like you are going to have a heart attack.. mmmm… time to do something about it. Give up your job, have a sickie, have a laugh, find out who is important, oh me…. yes… better look after me, no one else will, got a bit of life left in me yet. Grateful for life!!
The past 2 weeks have taught me how fragile life is. How a little person can bring a family together, how the fear of losing this little life you barely know, can change your life.
When I had my first baby I had a new understanding of what It was to love, to have a more loving appreciation and love for my mum. My son found this out 2 weeks ago, when his son was born 4x weeks early and struggling to live, as a mother I was bought to tears, my heart was being ripped from me, the hug of a 27yr old when he is sobbing his heart out for the life of his newborn son. The love of a mother, the love of a father, Emotions play such a huge part of our lives. Love is born when a child comes into our lives.